It was 2015, though by my thinking my life should have made great strides, only small movement had been made on my body. Oh, did I mention I was about to turn 50. I started working on my Patent, and my doctorate. Add to all of this I was driving for Uber, Grub Hub and Domino's, along with parking cars in Ybor City. I was taking care of a family who often chose to put me through an emotional ringer. Though I often tried to hide how I felt, I never could seem to pull it together. I am thankful for amazing friends who always had my back. Often, I went from one situation to another flawlessly but, only with their help – driving me, studying with me, helping my family when I could not, loaning me kayaks, etc. – they made me look good.
A good internal medicine doctor will tell you the
supplements you need to help facilitate the restructuring of the body. Supplements
must be taken properly like any medicine and too much can be as bad as not
enough. My doctor was excellent but, puzzled by my ankles swelling (I now know this was a weight issue). At points,
they were as big as my thigh. He increased my thyroid and put me on estrogen to
help the heart and added berberine along with a high dose of probiotics to cut
blood sugar. Looking back now, I can see the strain I put on my body with the
little ‘self lies’.
I stopped drinking soda. Every so often I would sneak one
but, they are not as I good as I remember and not worth the empty calories. It
was here I went ‘mostly organic’, meaning most of my food was fresh but, there
was still some frozen or canned. Though I had cut back on my ‘snack time’, it
was not as much as it should have been. Snack time was often cookies, chips, or
hot fudge sundae. Food habits are the hardest to break. Even growing a garden
with my grandson, I found canned veggies on my plate. SMH and wondering why I
did not put my foot down back then…I had the information, just not the knowledge
of how to apply it.
I looked at the fat girl in the mirror and hated who I was. The fat hanging from my body was not going anywhere - FML. I bought a home gym and used it but, not to my best advantage as I did not understand the equipment. Walking, I thought was covered by my jobs but, I was wrong as relaxed exercise gives off different hormones than stressed or work exercise. If I had just pushed a little harder, I could have had better results or so I thought. I was still kayaking, swimming, playing basketball, and playing tennis – just not enough, I know that now. Because I was doing what I thought was enough, I was getting discouraged and depressed. I even bought a stationary bike and would put it in front of the door and cycle for a half hour a day for 3 months. I went to the doctor and had not lost a pound. Then he told me of another tumor. I cried the whole way home. How did my cute size 8 self, turn into this size 22 blob and why the hell couldn’t I fix it?
Even though professionally I was working hard and moving forward, personally I felt as though I was going backwards. Those who loved and cared for me used words like ‘strong’, ‘tenacious’, and ‘pit bull’. Those who didn’t love me had a lot to say – it often cut deep but, I did my best not to let it show and give them the upper hand. I was spending hours at a computer without thought of how I was lacking movement. Life was hard – study, work, clean, drive, cook…there were times I would just cry alone in the shower. I felt that if I looked better, I could get a better job and I would get sad feeling like there was nothing I could do – even as bad as this hurt me, I kept pushing forward.
I must stop and talk about being positive. I am not here to blow sunshine up your ass, this is not easy…it is a mindset. You must understand – BAD things will happen; it is part of life. The action you choose to take will define you…you can face it head on (people will praise but, fear you) or you can get angry (usually a giant waste of time) or hide from it (usually makes things worse) or call it an adventure and laugh about it (I find this usually gets the most accomplished). One of my natural medicine classes was in ‘Laughter Yoga’. There are copious studies that show numerous health benefits to laughter and being positive in general. The secretions in the blood (hormonal and otherwise) create a healthier internal environment. I still work on this even today.
Your friendships will start to change as you work on yourself. Keep in mind they are the same people, you are changing. One often finds that good friends will grow with you, it is acquaintances that will change or turn on you – this will humble you as you find out just who is who. Just because they walk away does not mean they will not be back so, be as polite as possible, even if they are a little stupid. You have value as a person. As a person who has cared for others all my life, that statement sounded wrong. It was hard learning to set boundaries to give myself value. As you grow, the things you enjoy, want, and need will change. It is not easy but, many who walk away will come back as they accept and feel less threatened by the changes you make on you.
The war with sugar started here and I was so stupid, I
thought it would be easy. I gave up candy and cakes for the most part and was
still lying to myself about the rest. OMG there were potatoes, white bread,
fruit juice, carrots, and bananas…it took much to understand how bad I was
sabotaging myself. My doctor warned me but, I did not listen. Here are those self lies - sugar and salt.
At this point I had graduated, had my patent in hand, and I was only teaching online in China, the stress was reducing and so was my weight. Then I was given the opportunity of a lifetime, I was going to China to teach on campus. I had no idea what I was in for but, I knew I would get to meet my online students and be part of their world. My doctor noticed my hormones starting to change and my blood-work started to clean up.
If you are thinking of making changes in your life and need advice, please leave me a comment below or share your thoughts with us…Transformation part 3 will be ready soon, this is where big changes start to happen…
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