Transformation - Part 2

 

 

It was 2015, though by my thinking my life should have made great strides, only small movement had been made on my body. Oh, did I mention I was about to turn 50. I started working on my Patent, and my doctorate. Add to all of this I was driving for Uber, Grub Hub and Domino's, along with parking cars in Ybor City. I was taking care of a family who often chose to put me through an emotional ringer. Though I often tried to hide how I felt, I never could seem to pull it together. I am thankful for amazing friends who always had my back. Often, I went from one situation to another flawlessly but, only with their help – driving me, studying with me, helping my family when I could not, loaning me kayaks, etc. – they made me look good.

 

A good internal medicine doctor will tell you the supplements you need to help facilitate the restructuring of the body. Supplements must be taken properly like any medicine and too much can be as bad as not enough. My doctor was excellent but, puzzled by my ankles swelling (I now know this was a weight issue). At points, they were as big as my thigh. He increased my thyroid and put me on estrogen to help the heart and added berberine along with a high dose of probiotics to cut blood sugar. Looking back now, I can see the strain I put on my body with the little ‘self lies’.
I stopped drinking soda. Every so often I would sneak one but, they are not as I good as I remember and not worth the empty calories. It was here I went ‘mostly organic’, meaning most of my food was fresh but, there was still some frozen or canned. Though I had cut back on my ‘snack time’, it was not as much as it should have been. Snack time was often cookies, chips, or hot fudge sundae. Food habits are the hardest to break. Even growing a garden with my grandson, I found canned veggies on my plate. SMH and wondering why I did not put my foot down back then…I had the information, just not the knowledge of how to apply it.

 

I looked at the fat girl in the mirror and hated who I was. The fat hanging from my body was not going anywhere - FML. I bought a home gym and used it but, not to my best advantage as I did not understand the equipment. Walking, I thought was covered by my jobs but, I was wrong as relaxed exercise gives off different hormones than stressed or work exercise. If I had just pushed a little harder, I could have had better results or so I thought. I was still kayaking, swimming, playing basketball, and playing tennis – just not enough, I know that now. Because I was doing what I thought was enough, I was getting discouraged and depressed. I even bought a stationary bike and would put it in front of the door and cycle for a half hour a day for 3 months. I went to the doctor and had not lost a pound. Then he told me of another tumor. I cried the whole way home. How did my cute size 8 self, turn into this size 22 blob and why the hell couldn’t I fix it?

 

Even though professionally I was working hard and moving forward, personally I felt as though I was going backwards. Those who loved and cared for me used words like ‘strong’, ‘tenacious’, and ‘pit bull’. Those who didn’t love me had a lot to say – it often cut deep but, I did my best not to let it show and give them the upper hand. I was spending hours at a computer without thought of how I was lacking movement. Life was hard – study, work, clean, drive, cook…there were times I would just cry alone in the shower. I felt that if I looked better, I could get a better job and I would get sad feeling like there was nothing I could do – even as bad as this hurt me, I kept pushing forward.

 

I must stop and talk about being positive. I am not here to blow sunshine up your ass, this is not easy…it is a mindset. You must understand – BAD things will happen; it is part of life. The action you choose to take will define you…you can face it head on (people will praise but, fear you) or you can get angry (usually a giant waste of time) or hide from it (usually makes things worse) or call it an adventure and laugh about it (I find this usually gets the most accomplished). One of my natural medicine classes was in ‘Laughter Yoga’. There are copious studies that show numerous health benefits to laughter and being positive in general. The secretions in the blood (hormonal and otherwise) create a healthier internal environment. I still work on this even today.

 

Your friendships will start to change as you work on yourself. Keep in mind they are the same people, you are changing. One often finds that good friends will grow with you, it is acquaintances that will change or turn on you – this will humble you as you find out just who is who. Just because they walk away does not mean they will not be back so, be as polite as possible, even if they are a little stupid. You have value as a person. As a person who has cared for others all my life, that statement sounded wrong. It was hard learning to set boundaries to give myself value. As you grow, the things you enjoy, want, and need will change. It is not easy but, many who walk away will come back as they accept and feel less threatened by the changes you make on you.

 

The war with sugar started here and I was so stupid, I thought it would be easy. I gave up candy and cakes for the most part and was still lying to myself about the rest. OMG there were potatoes, white bread, fruit juice, carrots, and bananas…it took much to understand how bad I was sabotaging myself. My doctor warned me but, I did not listen. Here are those self lies - sugar and salt.

 

At this point I had graduated, had my patent in hand, and I was only teaching online in China, the stress was reducing and so was my weight. Then I was given the opportunity of a lifetime, I was going to China to teach on campus. I had no idea what I was in for but, I knew I would get to meet my online students and be part of their world. My doctor noticed my hormones starting to change and my blood-work started to clean up.

 

If you are thinking of making changes in your life and need advice, please leave me a comment below or share your thoughts with us…Transformation part 3 will be ready soon, this is where big changes start to happen…

 

Transformation Part 1

 

 

It was 2011, when I finally quit smoking. I could not walk from my front door to my front gate without being winded. I spent 7 long years doing battle with dreaded nicotine. I tried going cold turkey – my family could not handle it and bought me cigarettes. It was then I tried hypnosis in private sessions, I was down to one cigarette a day and then the doctor had a heart attack…went back to a pack a day. The gum, the shot, the patch, and none of it worked for me. I heard a radio advert about a guy dying from cancer and I would cry and light up. Finally, Chantix saved my ass. All I can say: was I could smoke; I just didn’t want to. After the first 6 months, I noticed a change in me.

            Just this small thing started to change my life. The first 6 months clean after 20 years smoking was hard – my body fought hard…nightmares, diarrhea, fights inside my head about how it would take away stress, heart palpitations, etc. were common and I would just block it out. I ended up having a heart catheterization done. My body was cleaning out and I went to the doctor. We spoke of why I wanted to improve, and he ordered a battery of tests. I do not like pharmaceuticals so, most of what he ordered was supplements.

In 2013, I was diagnosed with tumors on my thyroid. It was a rough time in my life, and I was doing my best to keep my head above the waterline. I kept a strong outward face, yet inside I was just wishing for God to call me home. Situations happening on every front – my relationship with much of my family was in chaos, my employees were coping with their own issues, my business itself was changing, I was going to college, and my health issues – mostly I was unhappy and exceedingly depressed. I saw sign that said ‘You are responsible for your own happiness’. How could this be true? Then another that said, ‘You are responsible – it is not how the situation handles you but, how you handle the situation.’ My doctor touted how if I just tried to lose weight, I would not feel so bad. My family often wished I was dead. Going to school at my age, relearning how to study and retain the most possible. Worst of all were thyroid tumors, pre-diabetic, and talk of hip replacement. OMG WTF was I thinking? Most days my head felt like it would explode so, just hand me another candy bar and it will be fine.

 

            I had 3 classes in a row each with a different nutrition base – how to use food for medicine, what should be in your food, and how the body uses the food (these are not the name of the classes but, their basic idea). My doctor was both a medical doctor and a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine, I made an appointment to discuss how tennis, walking, kayaking, etc.…was not taking off the weight and how we could clean my life up. My balance was off, I could not tie my own shoes or cut my toenails - I had quit smoking cigarettes 2 years before and now I wanted to be strong. I wanted to improve my life.

            This all sounds easy, it is not. The hardest person to deal with is you. First you have to quit ‘treating disease’ – this does NOT mean to stop doing anything (meds or exercise), it means to ‘nurture your health’. I am so American; it took me a few years to grasp the concept. Next you must look yourself in the mirror naked and BE HONEST, here you look at what you like and do not like about your body…just remember, you cannot change a fantasy so be honest with yourself (and do not be hard on yourself). Then sit down in quiet with your personality – what do you like and not like…and again be honest because you can only change what is real. The last thing you must do is be real about who and what is around you…is it what is best for you, are you taken into consideration or is your presence only needed when they want something, is this person or things getting where you want to go or holding you back. As you transform, you will lose people and others will pretend they are happy for you and talk shit behind your back – it does not matter, you see it is their problem not yours.

The food had to change or at least what passed for food. After one class, Cooper came over to find every ounce of food on the floor. The look on his face was ‘MasterCard Priceless’ and I would have killed for a camera. I would not eat anything I could not pronounce and if I was not going to eat it, into the trash it went. I was on a thyroid pill and started working out but, it was not enough, nothing was happening. I was unaware that I was eating the wrong food at the wrong time of the day and what I wanted to eat instead of what my body needed. I had to learn a new way – this would mean I had to change everything I knew about eating.

The naked mirror was frightening. I had been a massage therapist and personal trainer so; I knew we were talking years – it did not go on in a month and it was not going to come off in a month. The mirror showed every bulge and wrinkle. I took pictures of what I wanted to keep and what must go. I spoke to several ‘Personal Trainers’ who all gave me their thoughts. At this point when I asked to be trained, they just gave me high figures because no one wanted the job. I was obese and old in their eyes. This hurt but, I would not give up. When I took the picture of my back, I wanted to cry, it had rolls and my once cute ass, now looked like cottage cheese.

The self-reflection is not easy. I kept hearing the names other people called me and not really what I thought of myself. I enjoy being loving and have a very sweet nature but, when I used to get upset – well we will just say that I wanted better control of my mind and emotions and for them to have less control over me.

I wanted to repair relationships that I valued and start getting rid of relationships who did not value me. It is important not to burn bridges because like you, someone else maybe growing. This is hard because people will see the old you – unhealthy, fat, and unstable. It will take some months and others years to accept the changes you are making…and some NEVER will. Keep in mind you are important too.

Okay, this is the start of Transformation. I started in 2011 and it took me until 2015 to get here. I was 300 pounds in 2011 and by 2015 I was able to get down to 275. The biggest thing is you must resolve to be positive and take each day as it comes. Everything starts with how you think I will post the next part of the story later this week.